Missing A Few Steps

"No, you can't stay here," says Mr. Edgeworth, clearly exasperated. "My office is no study room. Does Themis not provide adequate resource for you, Sebastian?"

Sebastian bows his head in shameful acknowledgment, but Kay interjects with her displeasure. "But, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay protests, "your office is the perfect place to meet between my school and his! You have so much space, too! Let your proteges study here! For justice!"

"I safekeep confidential records in this space. I cannot allow anyone to come and go as they please, especially not without my supervision. You know this."

"Then you just have to supervise us! It'll be fine! We'll be quiet and cute in the corner like always! C'mon!"

Mr. Edgeworth shakes his head. "And as I said, again, I am scheduled to be absent today. Please find a nearby coffee shop or similar to work in."

Sebastian nudges Kay, cutting her off before she can start whining louder. "There's fast food nearby we can go to."

"But that costs money..." Kay protests, toning down her voice for Sebastian. "My allowance..."

Sebastian gives her a sympathetic look, being a high school student on a loan now. “Well… We could just meet another day—”

“Absolutely not! You need to get your work done, and I'm not letting you handle that monster essay alone.” Kay gestures to herself. “Come to my grandparents’, where I live. It's on the far end of your bus line, I think.”

It's the first time she has invited Sebastian over, and although Kay thinks it's no big deal, Sebastian looks surprised, and Mr. Edgeworth raises his eyebrow, but doesn't comment. “Whatever you two decide to do, please do it outside my office.” He waves them towards his door. “I have a meeting to attend.”

They all file out of his office as Kay and Sebastian discuss the transportation particulars. Mr. Edgeworth locks up and goes off to do his business. Kay watches him go, sulking. “Could have at least donated a bus fare.”

Sebastian shrugs. “If you're set on studying with me, then let's not waste time deliver–…uh….deliberating.”

They make their way to the relevant bus route on the edge of the governmental district. On the walk, the two chat idly about recent events in their high school senior lives. Sebastian has visited a few universities recently and tells Kay about them, but Kay, who didn't apply to any university, can't respond with any experience in turn. Of course, she's still studying to graduate high school in the best shape she can, but her aspirations are muddled and indistinct compared to the decisive Sebastian.

It makes their study sessions a little difficult for Kay. The talk is professional, the topics surface-level, and the particular topic of “dreams for the future” favors Sebastian in a big way.

They reach the bus stop and get on board when the bus arrives, sitting next to each other in some seats near the back. Sebastian, polite kid that he is, asks Kay if she has found any work she's interested in for after high school. When Kay reports that, once again, she still doesn't have any ideas, Sebastian looks thoughtful. “I heard electricians are in high demand,” he says.

“An electrician?” Kay echoes dubiously.

“Yeah. Buildings are…built every day, and electricity powers all of them.”

But wouldn't they need to go up high places to work? She used to be fine with heights, but since the whole head injury thing, maybe not so much. There's no way he would know that, though, since she hasn't talked about anything related in forever. “I'll consider it…” she says noncommittally.

He nods. “Okay.” And with that, Sebastian looks out the window.

Kay watches his reflection in the glass of the bus window. She wonders what he's thinking, to drop the conversation so suddenly. Once again, she feels the strange barrier between them. They never really managed to become friends in the way Kay thinks friends should be, and she can probably blame the fact on a lack of deeper communication. 

It's been like this for…a good while.

It's vexing. Kay wouldn't let such a lukewarm conversation go normally. But it's hard to harass Sebastian, specifically. 

Kay looks across the bus aisle to look out the opposite window from Sebastian, and she hates that she is.

The only reason they started getting close was because Kay would find him in Mr. Edgeworth's office studying each and every time she came by. After that particular case had calmed down, Sebastian had acted like a boy possessed, ripping through textbooks and shadowing Mr. Edgeworth in all his work, absorbing all he possibly could in every spare minute to try desperately to make up for the shoddy education he had been unwillingly subject to. When Kay came to Mr. Edgeworth's office, it was always to half help, half dick around, but it was a lot harder to be a playful nuisance when someone else was there, grinding his ass off. She couldn't ruin the mood when Sebastian acted like he was desperately out of time, all the time.

Of course, now dicking around involved a brand new activity for Kay: watching Sebastian work. He is a needy student for very understandable reasons, but Mr. Edgeworth isn't always free to act as the tutor. Sometimes, Mr. Edgeworth simply works at his desk while Sebastian sits in the corner, doing his homework.

When the encounters had first started, Kay had just watched him while lazing on the couch. She should have let Sebastian figure his work out on his own. He needed to focus, and that was not something Kay was great at. But...it was kind of sad to just watch him agonize. His face is just too honest, and the distress over his homework had been obvious. Eventually, Kay had been unable to help poking her nose into his space and asking, "What are you working on?"

Sebastian, who had not been subject to Kay since the whole murder accusation thing, was obviously surprised to be talked to. He had taken a while to respond. "...English."

"Yuck," Kay had said, sympathetic. "Like, composition? Essays and stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm. Well, if you want me to check your work, I can. I might catch some typos or whatever." Kay had gestured over to her own school bag on the couch, unopened. "I should be doing homework, but...I'm usually just hanging out. You can bother me if Mr. Edgeworth is busy."

And it just spiraled from there. After all, Kay had basically pledged to be his tutor, and she wasn't going to half-ass it! Sebastian had been missing many basics in his knowledge, and luckily, it was at a level Kay felt comfortable helping out. Math and Social Science and stuff was no problem. If she helped, she got to reinforce the info for her exams anyways, and she just left the legal homework nonsense (what is with Themis, anyway?) to Mr. Edgeworth. Magically, it had worked out for all three of them. And best of all, it made Kay feel like she could be counted on for something. 

But still, even with their frequent meetings and her helping him, she felt like there was something she didn't get about Sebastian. Kay prided herself on being the kind of girl who could get anyone to open up, but Sebastian was testing her mettle. He meets her jokes with a blank face, responds to her quips with small nods. Even if it's because he wanted to focus on his work, it still hurt, and Kay eventually learned to stop trying.

It had been a few months since the study thing started, and Kay didn't quite feel she could call Sebastian a friend yet. But, an acquaintance, maybe co-worker? Space-sharer? Study-buddy? Hmm, no, a little too friendly, what with all the professional distance…

An instinct tells Kay she should get to know him. Maybe a little of his “three-year plan” style would rub off on her. But that instinct is drowned out by a fear of getting in his way and the sense that he's keeping his distance, too.

Kay jumps out of her thoughts when the bus announces their stop. “Ack, zoned out,” she says in a hurry, poking Sebastian. “Get up! We need to get off here.”

They both scramble to disembark but manage to do so without too much of a hold-up. Sebastian looks a little rattled after being hurried around, so Kay lets him gather himself for a moment before pointing down the street. “Follow me. My grandparents’ place is just over here.”

They make their way over to her townhouse, easy to miss in the urban landscape, and Kay unlocks the door, showing Sebastian inside. “No one should be here,” she says to him as they slip off their shoes. “They hang out with friends around this time, so we have the place to ourselves.”

Sebastian looks around. “Are you sure it's okay I'm here?”

“Why wouldn't it be? I live here, too.” Kay says, confused. He doesn't need to know, but he's actually the first person she's invited over platonically and would cause the least offense.

“Well, okay. Thank you for having me, then.”

Kay directs him past the living area to the dining area, pointing out the great sunlight, and they set up their study materials on top of the dining table.

“I’ll get us some water and snacks,” says Kay. “Or, do you want some barley tea?”

“Barley tea?”

Kay takes it as a request. “Okay, I'll pour you some,” she says and turns to do so.

When she returns with two large cups of tea and a couple apples, Sebastian accepts them without complaint. After Kay takes a gulp of tea, Sebastian copies with a sip, but only that, before setting it down. He reaches for the apple instead, but pauses, thoughtful.

"What?" Kay asks, watching him closely.

"It's nothing," Sebastian says quickly, averting his gaze. But the way he fidgets tells her something is wrong.

Kay's curiosity piques, but she decides not to push it. She takes a bite of her own apple and chews thoughtfully, her gaze drifting to the gloves Sebastian always wears. She wonders absentmindedly if he'll take them off or ask for cutlery.

Sebastian, seemingly having made up his mind, carefully peels his right glove off. His hand is revealed, and the first thing Kay notices is how white and pretty his skin is. The back of his hand is covered with delicate skin, translucent enough to see beautiful blue rivers, and the tips of his fingers catch the sunlight to glow a faint pink. On each sweet tip are tiny little flower petals -- no, those are his nails, so elegant and well-groomed that Kay is befuddled as to why he would hide something so lovely.

But, the moment his bare hand reaches for the apple, she sees it. In the center of his palm is a ring-shaped burn scar. It’s peculiar in that, instead of a solid circle, a patch of lighter skin sits in the center. 

With that particular ring shape, Kay sees a story.

The horrific scene that invades her mind shocks her to stillness, for only one wound would make that shape.

Anger and nausea swirl together in a violent torrent in Kay’s gut, stealing her breath. She looks away from the mark and closes her eyes. She remembers the face of Sebastian’s father.

Sebastian takes a bite of his apple and the scent of burning skin disappears. She aggressively takes another bite of her apple, too. She forces herself to chew through the sickening feeling and focuses all of her mind on the taste and sensation of the apple in a desperate attempt to erase the horrible image from her mind.

Sebastian’s voice gives her some relief, as well. After swallowing, he says, “This is a good apple.”

Although it's hardly a normal situation, Kay forces herself to sound as normal as she possibly can. “Yup, the best snack for studying.”

They both look at their workbooks, flipping through them with one hand each. Sebastian says nothing more and the silence is only broken by the turning of pages, the etching of pens, and the occasional crunching of apples.

But Kay is only going through the motions of studying. It has always been hard for her to focus, but the tension in her stomach is making it impossible. Sebastian’s hand is still bare, scar hidden by the body of the apple, and Kay can't help stealing glances at it. A little bit of juice from the apple hangs off the side of his finger, begging to be lapped up. The sight sends a shiver down her spine. Her heart beats faster every time she looks at him, a mix of anger at his father and something...else. Something she is burdened with as a girl full of affection for people, something that makes her feel guilty because she’s aiming to be his friend, acting as his tutor. She wants to reach out and take his hand, to comfort him, but she’s afraid that if she does, she’ll never be able to stop.

While looking at her yet-started homework, Kay hears Sebastian finish the apple and then stand.

“Where's the trash can?” he asks, and Kay looks up to point behind him towards the kitchen.

“Underneath the sink,” she says, calmly.

When he leaves the room, Kay wolfs down the rest of her apple, core and seeds and all, and sprints over to the bathroom. 

Inside, she locks the door behind her and sinks to the floor with an exhale. Her nerves are taught like a bowstring, and knowing herself, she's gonna do something stupid if she doesn't calm down. 

"Why did he have to show me that?" she whispers to the empty room. "Why did he have to have such pretty hands?”

Kay takes a moment to collect herself, breathing deeply. She tells herself that she's being ridiculous. Sebastian is a busy guy, not some adorable little prince in a fairy tale that she's destined to rescue with a kiss. He's just a guy who needs help with his homework, not a damsel in distress. She's been his platonic support for months now, the one who's been there for him through his academic struggles, and Sebastian did a very good job communicating that was all he wanted from her. But, as she sits on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, she questions if she would be able to give that to him anymore.

“Of course I can. I can keep it platonic,” she tells herself. “I'm a cool big sis. I'm the senpai. I can control myself!”

But, as she washes her hands of the apple juice, she wonders if she's wrong for wanting to be his friend, too.

When she returns, she finds Sebastian already back at the dining table, working as he should. 

Her eyes are immediately drawn to his bare hands. Now, there are two. Shock hits her like lightning, and she sits back down in her chair with a plop.

'Obviously,' she thinks with both amusement and despair, 'having wet and gloved hands is so uncomfortable. I should know.’

She tries to get her head back in the books, but every time she glances up, she sees his bare hands, moving so deftly across the pages. Her mind wanders, and she can't help but feel a strange mix of emotions—desire and disgust, curiosity and anger, all tangled up in a confusing mess. The burn scar is a stark reminder of his past, a past she witnessed a glimpse of, having seen him cower in that courtroom. Yet here he is, so focused on his future that he's forgotten to put his armor back on. Or, maybe… Kay wonders if it's another way he's trying to stand up to his father.

Deep affection springs from Kay’s chest like a fiery font. A sudden, powerful urge to grab his hand and tell him how much she admires his dream and dedication seizes her. She barely stops herself…but can't completely.

“Sebastian, can I paint your nails?” she blurts out, voice an octave too loud.

Sebastian's head snaps up. “What?”

Oh, god. Kay forgot he isn't over here as far as she knows  But, it's too late to backtrack now.

“Your nails,” she says, trying to play it cool. “They're really pretty. I bet you'd look good with some polish on them.”

Sebastian stares at his nails, looking at them as if he's never seen them before. He looks up at her, bewildered. "But why?”

“I said already! Cause they're pretty! Like cherry blossoms! I want to see them sparkle.”

And, she wants to touch those delicate hands, to feel their warmth, to soothe a little of the pain he may feel.

Sebastian looks at his hand again, then up at her with a blush. “But, that's for girls, isn’t it?”

“What century are we living in? Anyone can do whatever, and if it bugs you after I'm done, just wear your gloves like always.”

Sebastian's cheeks bloom pink, and he shifts in his seat, looking down at his scarred palm. "Okay," he murmurs.

Kay's heart skips a beat at his adorable blush. She jumps to her feet, her chair scraping against the hardwood floor. "Don't go anywhere!" she says, a bit too eagerly. "I'll grab my nail kit!”

With volume unbecoming a Great Thief, she scampers upstairs. Her small room is a mess, but her box of polishes is tucked away right where it belongs. It's got a pretty good assortment, and Kay is confident there will be something Sebastian likes in it. She carries it back downstairs and puts it on the table, then gets a paper towel and lays it down to protect the table.

“Now,” she says, opening the box with a flourish. “What color are you interested in?”

Sebastian looks a little overwhelmed. “Um,” he says. “I don't know. Color theory isn't my thing…”

“Color theory? What? No, no, don't worry about stuff like that. Just pick a color you like.”

Maybe it's simply choice paralysis, but Sebastian seems hesitant. 

"How about this?" Kay suggests, holding up a bottle of clear polish. “Your nails are already so cute and pink. Let's just give them a little more shine.”

Sebastian nods tentatively, still looking slightly uncomfortable. "Okay.”

Kay sets to work eagerly, taking his hand in hers and gently holding it over the paper towel. 

"Hold still," she instructs, her voice softer than usual. 

She files and buffs his nails to get the base perfect. As she works and holds his hand in hers, she can't help but remember the way Sebastian would gesture with his hands when speaking about his studies or his goals, the way his conducting baton flies through the air. The grace of his movements had always captured her attention, and now she understood why. His hands, long and elegant, gave him great grace and precision. The baton was a secondary accessory, for it was his hands that truly expressed rhythm and beauty.

Aside from a small mutter of “ticklish” from Sebastian, he's very docile and still as she works. What a good client, thinks Kay. The urge to caress him and try a little flirting is strong, but Kay holds back. She feels guilty that she's roped the innocent Sebastian into a seductive situation that she's used on others before, but she'll just need to deal with that guilt.

Kay undoes the nail polish bottle’s cap with one hand and brings its tiny brush over Sebastian’s nails. The clear polish glides on smoothly. It's a good brand; she'd bought it for herself and it had a hardness that made it last, despite her active lifestyle. She takes her time with each nail, making sure it's perfect. Kay’s done this a hundred times before, but today's client is different. This pampering is to send a message: you are welcome here, you should chill, and you've got a lot to show off, you vixen!

…Though, if he's not as innocent as she thinks and takes this pampering as an invitation to show off to HER, she wouldn't mind. At all. It's hard not to get excited when holding hands like his. She’s aware that Sebastian’s eyes are on her the whole time, watching her every move. The way he's looking at her, his gaze a mix of curiosity and wariness, makes her stomach flutter.

Two coats later, Kay lets go of Sebastian’s hands, mourning their parting as stoically as she can.

“Alright, Sebastian, all done,” she says with a smile, placing the cap back on the bottle. “Give it fifteen minutes to dry completely. But, you should be okay to study and write. Just don't touch your actual nails.”

Sebastian looks at his nails, holding them up in the light. “Wow,” he says, “they really are shinier now.” 

The burn scar on his palm stands out starkly against his pale skin, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care. He’s so relaxed that it’s as if he’s forgotten the scar is there. It’s a stark contrast to before, to the guarded way he was curling his fingers on it, carefully keeping it out of sight. The change makes Kay’s heart swell.

He turns his hands over and over, inspecting them from every angle. His look of wonder slowly turns to a warm smile. He turns to face Kay. “Thank you,” he says, showing that smile to her.

Kay poses with a thumbs-up. “Let me know if you want me to do it again sometime. But, only for you! This is a present, not a business!”

Sebastian laughs a little, the sound so unexpected it sends a little jolt through Kay. Had he ever laughed in front of her before? It's a wonderful sound, like the tinkling of a bell.

Sebastian looks down at his homework. Kay expects him to get right back to it, but he doesn't. Instead, he speaks.

“Kay,” he says, “I need to apologize to you.”

Kay’s stomach squeezes at the sudden gravity. “What is it?”

“I…” he hesitates, fidgeting like he desperately wants his baton. “I'm sorry for a lot of things.” He looks directly at her. “For everything back then…”

“Back then…?” she echoes.

“I accused you of murder, harassed you, tried to get you arrested, acted like…an idiot,” he says slowly, putting weight behind each word. “And now…”

Kay blinks. Now? Sebastian tries to find his words but is obviously struggling. He fidgets harder.

“I…distrusted you. I thought…” He looks down, clearly ashamed. “I thought you had a grudge or something, and that was why you were being nice to me.”

She had a grudge, so she was being nice…?

Kay’s eyes widen.

“What? No, Sebastian, that’s ridiculous!” she says. “You’re the one who’s been putting up with me! I'm the one who should be apologizing! Remember when I called you wonderboy and told you to shut up?"

But if he was betrayed by the person closest to him, who he trusted to teach him…maybe he wasn't being ridiculous.

“Sebastian, you have nothing to apologize for. I don’t hold grudges, especially not against people who are trying so hard to grow, like you are,” she says, her voice earnest and gentle.

Sebastian nods, looking visibly relieved. “I know now because of how kind you’ve been to me. You’re the one who’s been here, helping me out without asking for anything in return.” He looks down at his hands. “You always try to make sure I'm comfortable, let me catch my breath, don't tease me for asking the same questions over and over…” He smiles. “You and Mr. Edgeworth are helping me a lot, and I hope that if I act like a dumbass again, one of you can tell me. I want to know.”

As he speaks of his fears and hopes, Kay finds herself leaning closer. His sparkling brown eyes and small, reserved posture are just making Kay want to scoop him up and hug him to death. She settles for a pat on the shoulder. “Leave it to me. I'll make the concrit as painless as I can!" She flashes a smile. "Because we're friends!"

Sebastian smiles bigger, but it slowly turns a bit sad. "I don't want you to be nice if I haven't been," he says. "I don't want to be a burden anymore." His focus grows distant. "I need to grow, even if it hurts. I need to graduate and make something of myself without relying on anyone else’s goodwill or pity." He closes his eyes. "I want to be someone who deserves friendship and respect, not just because of what happened to me or who I knew.”

Kay feels a pang of empathy. She understands the shadow of a father all too well. She, too, wants to prove herself and stand on her own two feet.

"Okay, then," she says, smirking. "Take my unbiased, blunt, no-holds-barred opinion. Ready for it?"

Sebastian reverts back to a little bundle of nerves, but acts oh-so-brave about it. "Y-yes," he says.

"You're doing amazing. You're one of the bravest people I know. Not anyone can put up a boundary with their family, even if it's for the good of everyone involved, but you did it. And you just keep going! I started to admire you, and when I saw that I could help you, I couldn't keep my nose out of it because I wanted to see you become the prosecutor you dream of becoming, just as much as you do."

He looks at her again, his eyes searching hers. “Kay, I’ve never talked with someone like you before. You’re...” He trails off, and she can see the struggle in his expression as he tries to find the right words. “I’m grateful,” he says, voice earnest. “I'm really grateful. I'm happy we're friends now, that I talked to you just now. And I hope we can keep being good friends, even after we graduate.” His eyes grow starry in the way that Kay adores. “I'll pass all the exams and get a position at the district attorney's office, and you'll always be welcome, even if Mr. Edgeworth is being..." He pauses to find the word. "...elusive!"

The warmth in Kay’s chest becomes heavy. How could she dare to feel sad at such a prospect? ‘Friend’ wasn't the word she wanted to hear, despite it being a huge leap in their relationship, and this feeling of rejection when he had no intention of it made Kay feel like a child. But, in no circumstance would she dare to complicate his life more by throwing a one-sided love confession into it. She would never force him to deal with that. 

“Of course!” she says, forcing her biggest smile. “Between you and Mr. Edgeworth, I'll probably be living there! Maybe I should get a job as security so I get paid for it, too!”

The conversation shifts back to their studies, but the mood has changed. To what, Kay can't say. Sebastian is smiling softly as he works, all tension gone, and he freely asks questions of Kay. His eyes sparkle, his nails glitter, both silent testaments to the trust he has placed in her. It's so simple, but to Kay, it's like he handed her his heart on a silver platter. Her gaze lingers on his unguarded hands, the gentle tap of his pen on the paper, and she can't help but imagine the feel of his pulse under her fingertips. She wants to devour him whole, to show him a possibility beyond their newly declared friendship. But she knows Sebastian. His fragility is a part of his charm, and for today, she should be happy with the progress she made. It was her goal all along, to be friends. Why can't she be happy with that? What is wrong with her? Why did she feel so rabid?

If only he didn't show her those hands.

Her own hand starts to tremble, but she presses her pen harder into the paper.

They continue studying, the only sounds the rustle of pages and the occasional sigh of concentration. Kay does not get much done, and she has a feeling that she'll continue to be lost for months to come.